Mom's Influence

I've been thinking a lot lately about motherhood and being a Working Girl ... especially because it's all hitting home for me right now. Yes, ladies, I'm expecting my first baby, a girl, in February!

So this whole idea, well, I guess reality now, of being a mom has made me wonder about my expectations for myself as a Working Girl and for my new little one. I guess let's start with my own mom.

My mom was not much of a Working Girl. I don't think she liked the idea much. She graduated from college with a degree in Zoology. What the heck are you supposed to do with that?? Then she decided to go into Nursing and dropped out within a year. Next she got a Teaching license and taught elementary school for a couple years. Then she just quit working altogether and decided to be a homemaker. She hasn't stepped into the working world since, let's see, it's been about 20 years??

So growing up, I didn't really have big dreams of becoming a career girl. It just didn't occur to me. I thought I'd just go to college because it was what good kids did and then who knows what after that. Luckily, I took that Intro to Advertising class and found my passion in the Communication field and now I am very, very happy with my career as a PR Working Girl. I think it really surprises my mom that I work. When I told her we were expecting a baby, I think I saw her breathe a huge sigh of relief because she thought I'd never have kids and work forever. Of course I wanted children, but I wanted to establish a career first!

Since I started my own business (PR and editorial) in March and work from home, I think this gives me the ideal environment for still continuing to keep my foot in the working world while also caring for my new family. At least that's the plan. While I wish my mom gave me more of an example of ambition as far as career and working goes, I do admire her for staying home and always being there when my three younger sisters or I needed her. We had a home cooked family dinner around the kitchen table every night, lovingly packed lunches, lots of baked goods on the counter to snack on, a clean house, etc.

But what about for my little girl? (omg, I'm going to be a MOM! It's still sinking in.) Will I push her to be a Working Girl, or not? What will she take from my example? Do I want her to be a Working Girl?

I question that last one because I recently read an interesting article on Forbes Blogs, "Twenty-Something Men Want Housewives to Cheat On." I know, strong title. The gist is that young men these days apparently don't want to marry a Working Girl. They want to marry women like my mom who want to stay home and be housewives and homemakers. But why? The article suggests that it's possibly because they were raised by the generation of moms who felt like they needed to be superwomen, balancing demanding careers and a family and that these young men maybe feel like they didn't have good moms because they were so stressed all the time or just weren't there for them, or maybe they saw the relationship between their mom and dad and felt the relationship was always strained? That perhaps "having it all" had a negative effect on the kids. And then, the cheating part comes in because these young men also don't like the idea of monogamy too much, either. Great.

I don't really know yet if I'm staying a Working Girl because of me, because it's what I love to do and it's such a big part of me, or staying a Working Girl for my daughter to set a good example. And by good example, I hope that means she sees I am happy doing what I love, not necessarily trying to achieve superwoman status. Hm. So much to think about. Sorry this post is kind of a jumble of thoughts. Would love to hear yours.

A Tribute to My Working Momma

I owe a lot of my drive and where I am today because of my parents believing in me. And a large part of the reason that I am a successful, independent Working Girl is because my mother set such a wonderful example to live by.

My mother was a writer and editor and all throughout my childhood, I had very fond memories of watching my mother work. When we were younger, my sister and I were sometimes toted along with her to work. My mom worked for Kraft Foods doing business writing (manuals, memos, etc.) and we would sit underneath her desk eating caramels that we found in the lobby of the building (and would hoard in our pockets for later), or the graphic designer my mom worked near would let us use her paper and pens to draw pictures. In her home office, my sister and I would crawl around her office while she clicked away on the computer. If she worked late into the night, her tapping was almost like a lullaby that put us to sleep.

When we got older, my mom opened her own freelance editing and writing business and worked from home. In my eyes, she was superwoman. She took care of us girls, did what she loved during the day, helped work on numerous charity events, and still had plenty of time for the family. Her passion and enthusiasm were something I always admired. and the way she was always there for me and my sister. She had it all in my eyes. And I wanted to be like her when I grew up. I still do. Having a work-life balance is something that is extremely important to me so I try to work hard, play hard, and make time for me and my family all at the same time - in short, I try to emulate my mother everyday.

My mom passed away six years ago from a malignant brain tumor. Losing her has been hands down the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and not a day goes by that I don't think about her or how much I miss her. One of the hardest parts of watching my mother struggle with her illness was watching her lose the ability to write and read. The tumor was unfortunately situated right on the part of the brain that operates those functions that were so important to her throughout her life - how she made a living and how she enjoyed each day. I was amazed by her strength to bear it and to listen to books on tape instead of reading and to still help my sister and I with our homework. Watching her lose her dream, made me realize how important dreams are and how important it is to savor every achievement.

On days like this, it is particularly hard to not have her around - the Mother's Day commercials, the card racks at pharmacies, the overwhelming number of emails about what to get your mother for this special day. But it is a day to celebrate her even though she isn't here. To celebrate all that she taught me about life, about work, about how to be me.

Today, my dad took me to brunch to celebrate my mother and all that she did for our family. And he told me that if she were here, she would be so proud of all that I have accomplished. I'm proud of me too to be where I am today.

I love you mom and I miss you. You are the best role model a girl (working or not) could ask for.