I Don't Smoke...But I Do Read PerezHilton.com

I have noticed lately that a lot of my fellow employees are smokers.

How can I tell? Yellowed teeth? Check. Reeking of smoke? Check. Vacant from the office at inopportune times? Check and check.

For real, it doesn't bother me that my co-workers smoke. It's their prerogative and their addiction to face. But should their guilty pleasure come with 5 minutes away from the office throughout the day? Because that my friends, those 5 little minutes, make me jealous. And have on occasion made me want to start puffing (but cigarettes are expensive and I am poor).

Those 5 minutes are literally written into our company handbook. Something along the lines of all "employees are allowed five (5) minute cigarette breaks during the work day". Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating. So they probably are really only allotted two breaks per day and they have to be speedy quick. But again, I'm jealous. Very jealous in fact. Leading me to make my next statement. I feel it's somewhat unfair.

Just because I don't choose to fill my lungs with smoke a few times throughout the day doesn't mean that I shouldn't have a break for my own addiction/guilty pleasure. Yes, I think you all know where I'm going with this. Instead of getting a smoking break, I would like to institute company-wide Perez Hilton breaks. Or People.com. Or Pink is the New Blog. Whatever your Internet addiction, I think we non-smokers deserve our own little daily breaks.

I'll admit it. I have an addiction and it's to trashy celebrity gossip in the form of little nuggets of information that Perez Hilton dispenses (almost) on the hour. I keep my hand on the mouse to refresh almost every second of the day. It's pathetic and sad, but I own up to my disease.

Ultimately, I think it's the fair thing to do employers of the world. We gossip blog addicts should get our junkie on with just a little bit of silence just like our fellow smokers.

Drama, Drama, Drama

Today was one of those days. You know what I mean. The day when before you even walk in the front door you have a feeling that you should turn around and never come back. Yea, one of those. 

Turns out I was right. I spent my entire day burning DVD's with photos from our past event in Aspen for all our sponsors, exhibitors, and partners. This project required me to turn off all my other programs (aka I could not check my fave blogs or chat on Gmail). Leading me to a boring and also unproductive day. 

All together this week has been pretty insane. I got back from a glorious Labor Day weekend and found out two of my co-workers had gotten engaged over the weekend. Now the crazy part of this story isn't that two people got engaged. It's that one of the girls who got engaged over the holiday has only been dating her boyfriend (now fiancee) for four months. Yes, you heard me right. And her rock is ginormous (I can't even use a real adjective to describe this ring because it's that large). And get this...they met on Facebook. I don't even have a comment for this. 

The drama only begins there. Then today I find out that one of the managers at work is leaving the company. Amy is the Vice President of Online Marketing and also my idol. She is in her late 30s, successful, has a graduate degree from Stanford, and has worked at some major awesome companies (aka eBay). She also is from the Midwest, loves rare meat, and is huge into traveling. In short, we're alike and I love her. And I'm super, super, super upset that she is leaving. 

Now on to the big juice. My new roommate Natalie had confided in me when I first moved in that she was dating Drew. Drew just happens to be her boss. He also happens just to have gotten a separation from his wife. And his now ex-wife is also best friends with The CEO's daughter. Talk about drama. This secret has been so hard for me to keep. It's juicy and I want to scream it from the mountaintops. But Natalie asked me to keep it mum. So I haven't said anything. But I think my co-worker Small Fry is catching on, which makes me a Nervous Nelly. I would rather be left out of the drama surrounding my roommate's scandalous love affair. 

The Boss has also been a huge pain in my ass lately. Our marketing department keeps taking on more and more projects. Have I mentioned that our marketing department is 2 people? Yep. Just me and the VP of Marketing. So it's been a challenge. We have another event coming up in October that is sure to be a disaster. And it has just involved so much planning and I feel like I don't have enough time in the day to get it all done. But The Boss thinks I could use a few more projects to keep me busy. Thanks. Once again, I am feeling under-appreciated and under-paid. 

My big personal news of the week. I found out that I got wait-listed for the grad school of my dreams. And while I'm still a tiny bit hopeful that I'll make it through, I'm not banking on it. So I have a new plan in the works. 

All these changes in the atmosphere at work are making me think it's time for a move. More updates on my new job search are to come. 

I Was a Victim of Office Gossip

I am in love with gossip. I gobble it up, lick the bowl, and then ask for seconds. For the most part this pertains to celebrity gossip. When Heath passed, I was the one to start the Greek chorus of 'oh no!'s through my office. I started a countdown for when Jaime Lynn's baby is going to pop (and another one with bets on when Brit is to going to get preggers again). And the scandalous photos of Miley? I have written on many a discussion board of my opinion on the situation.

My obsession for celebrity gossip, however, has given way to a new fixation -- office gossip. I know it's wrong and not healthy but I just can't help myself...literally. My desk's location is in a hot bed of scandal and too loud chitchat. I have a nice little corner cubicle that is surrounded by corner offices -- the COO, the CEO, the CFO -- and my desk also happens to be kiddy-corner to our human resources/legal department (aka our CAO). In short, I see it all. I have heard the CAO fight with his wife, have heard people get screamed at for shortcomings, and have even seen people get fired.

I've even heard the higher-ups have discussions about me (some good, some not-so-good). But my most recent foray in being a victim of office gossip was laughable so I had to share.

Last week I woke up and my right eye hurt. Upon closer inspection, I realized my right eyelid was significantly larger than my left. Of course I ran running and screaming into WG1's room asking whether she thought I had a tumor in my right eye. She laughed at me, and then handed me some stye ointment. Yes, I had fallen prey to a stye. To make sure my new little friend was gone before the weekend, I decided to forgo my contacts and make-up. Both are things I never do, so obviously this attracted some extra attention from my co-workers.

First thing that morning I corralled two of my work friends to inspect my eye, which is unfortunate normalcy in our everyday routines. The three of us bond over our illnesses (odd, I know). My friend A is a self-proclaimed hypochondriac and D has been having some weird reactions to cheese lately. Anyway, A and D both told me I should enlist The Boss's help confirming if it was a stye or not because she loves pretending she is our mother (which translates to she is very lax about taking sick days).

The Boss confirms I have a stye and has no sympathy for me. And I believe this will be the end of the talk of my stye. Only it isn't. Because rumor of my stye floated around the office and at least three people came up to me before lunch time to offer remedies and housewives' tales of how to get rid of this unwanted bump and I had not told this people about my malady. My stye was the talk of the office. I was Wednesday's office gossip.

This revelation that even something as trivial as a bump on my eye could be circulated around the office made me want to shun idle chitchat altogether. I swore I would be better about gossiping from now on. I would cover my ears when people were called into the CEO's office. I would try not to look into the windows of HR when people were being interviewed for new positions. I would not put my two cents in when we made bets on who would make out at our next holiday party.

I would stop for the sake of styes everywhere.