Picking the Long Distance Route

by In Transition Working Girl

Happy week of love! Or, in my case, happy reminder that the one I love lives three hours away.

I am going to let you in a little more on my personal life. For three and a half years I have been in a serious committed relationship and feel he is the One for me. Right now, we are in a long distance relationship.

A little history, the first six months we were together, we were apart. But then his job brought him to the area in which I live so it worked out perfectly. For the last three years, we have pretty much been attached at the hip, enjoying our quite evenings in and weekends together.

About a year ago, I started feeling restless in my career and wanted a change. I went through several stages of thinking I knew what I wanted to do. At the end of the day, I realized to accomplish what I really wanted in my career, I would have to move, affecting us both. Being a planner by nature, moving was always "our" plan, but not for a few more years so I was to blame for this change.

My boyfriend played a super supportive role at first. But after a few months of talking about the possibility of me moving, he suddenly wasn't so supportive and our relationship took some hits. I found out he was confiding in others about his frustrations over me wanting to move. It all was difficult for me to deal with, especially while trying to make a career change. It all came to a head on the weekend I was offered the first of my two job offers. We had hours of long conversations and lots of crying trying to figure out what was best for us personally and professionally.

Throughout the conversation we pin-pointed many things, but it came down to one word we both wanted to avoid, resentment.

We are both young, motivated and focused on our careers. We both feel the need to excel and push our limits now but also selfishly wanted the other one to be right by our side. However, we realized that by not letting the other one fly, they would resent the other one later on and would have far worse implications on our relationship. And that was how we decided long distance was better for us in the short term. We did make a promise, as I am sure all couples do, but our relationship is first and if changes need to be made, they will.

We put a plan in place to be together. And, fingers crossed, by the end of the year, I will not only have my career, but my man back too.

How have you handled long distance relationships? Any tips for this Working Girl?

(Image via)

New Normal

by Working Girl One

A while back, I wrote about my boyfriend's crazy work schedule. Back then, I dreamed of him having a "normal" schedule - working nine to five(ish), Monday through Friday.

This week, he started a new job and some of my dreams came true. He now works Monday through Friday but there is a catch.

He was approached by contacts of his at another newspaper to be a morning news editor for a handful of local newspaper websites. It was an offer he couldn't refuse.

So in the time since I was laid off, he found and a started a new job and he wasn't even looking. That sure made this unemployed Working Girl feel awesome. But that isn't what this post is about and I'm honestly so thrilled for him. He has deserved this for a long time.

As an unemployed Working Girl, my schedule has changed drastically. Back in my working days, I was almost always in bed by 10:30pm and up at 7:30am. I really like to sleep. These days, I haven't even looked at the clock in the morning until 9:00am, let alone get out of bed, and I stay up until at least 1:00am. Before you get jealous, remember that I'm unemployed and it's really not as glamorous as it sounds to not have to work. I take that back, it is glamorous to not have to work but I do have to work.

Before his new job, my boyfriend would sometimes get home to our apartment in the city at 3:30am and sleep until 1:00pm. Now being the morning editor, he's up at 4:00am to be at work by 6:00am (he has to commute an hour outside of the city) and his shift is over at 2:00pm. This is much closer to a normal schedule because I get to see him everyday when he gets home from work now and also whenever I start working again.

I'm looking forward to this new "normal" schedule for us but I must admit it's going to take some getting used to. As I draft this post, it's almost 1:00am and I'd love nothing more than to snuggle myself in bed and read a book for half an hour. But he's asleep and has been since 9:00pm. Reading on the sofa just isn't the same.

Now instead of him coming home and waking me up in the middle of the night, I'm going to bed late and in the middle of his night waking him as I get into bed. I feel bad but I make up for it. I've set the coffee machine, poured a bowl of cheerios, ironed his shirt and made him a sandwich for his lunch. I'm fully aware that I've turned myself into a 1950's housewife. I'm really bored, okay!

Screwing Around on the Job

Have you ever slept with someone just because you thought their job was sexy?

I recently came across this Marie Claire blog post written by a woman named Maura Kelly who recently met a glam & fab woman at a glitzy party. They got to talking about her interesting job - how she does high profile events and how she has access to things not a lot of other people do. The one drawback to her job? That guys are more into her because of her job and how she often wonders if they're sleeping with her or her job.

This whole concept got me thinking. My job is not nearly cool enough for people to envy me for it, but as an event planner I do get a lot of perks. You know, a free pen from Marriott, a bathrobe from the Gansevoort, a free meal, tickets to a Cubs game - all things that they try to throw at me so I use their hotel for an event. Sure these things are kinda cool, but definitely not something that would lure a guy in - or for a guy to try and screw me over for.

But I see this woman's point. We hear about gold digging women quite often (like in Kanye West songs), but what about the gold digging dudes? The guys out there looking for the hook up from women with cool jobs? We don't hear about them that often. And I'm not talking just guys out there who are looking for women with wealth, but women with perk-related jobs.

What kind of jobs do you think men go gaga over? My guesses would be anything having to do with modeling, acting, or sports-related. And yes, I just did a large stereotype. Sorry boys!

It also got me wondering about what kinds of jobs turn me on. I think a man in uniform - policemen, firemen, soldiers - all sort of turn my head (especially during Fleet Week - right WG1? Wink, wink). I have to admit anything finance related makes me yawn, but bring up writing and I'm instantly batting my eyelashes no matter what the dude looks like.

Cheap Date

Last night my boyfriend and I went out to dinner for New York City Restaurant Week. We thought this was the perfect occasion for a date night. What could be better than a relatively cheap dinner at an otherwise expensive restaurant?

An actual cheap date night. That's what could be better. Add a couple of drinks, tax and gratuity to the $35 per dinner price tag and you have a $100 night out. On a Monday! Outrageous. While we had a good time together and the food wasn't bad, we determined that at the end of the day it wasn't really worth it.

Living in major cities, most Working Girls (and Boys) are living paycheck to paycheck and trying their best to save a bit along the way. Especially these days. This Working Girl and said boyfriend are also planning on moving in together in a few months so we're all about saving. We've decided no more expensive dinners out, just cheap date nights. With the help of some friends and my Twitter follows, I've complied a list of cheap date night ideas.

• Picnic in the Park - I've been hinting at this one for ages and I think I'm going to have plan my own damn picnic pretty soon. Most cities and towns have some great parks to take advantage of. Pack some homemade sandwiches, bring a blanket and some books or magazines and you're good to go. ericajpolleys also suggested (via Twitter) to look into what free shows your cities offer. Here in NYC there are concerts, movies and music all for free. Pack a Picnic and go!

• Farmer's Market Dinner Date - Have a local farmer's market? If you're gonna have a dinner date you may as well cook it yourself and buy locally, right? (Don't forget your reusable grocery bag!) megan_wuske suggested riding bikes to the farmer's market and cooking dinner together. Eat it at home or make it a picnic! I would most definitely ride a bike to the farmer's market if I didn't think I'd get hit by a taxi on the way.

• Bowling & Other Sports - hazel318 told me she loves bowling dates. In Manhattan bowling can be pricey. Good thing I have a Wii because I can "bowl" for free. Or "play tennis" for free. Or "box" for free. If you have a Wii, inviting friends over or another couple over for a dinner date would be super fun.

• Movie Night - In the summer, see if your city or town has free outdoor movies. On rainy nights or winter nights Working Girl Two is a fan of renting movies from the library because they are free. If you're a frequent movie watching, sign up for Netflix. You can get movies delivered to your home and you can watch some movies instantly on your comptuer. It's amazing. TV Shows too! I've been watching The Tudors like it's my job for the past week and a half.

• Comedy Club - A lot of comedy clubs require you to purchase a ticket and order a minium of two drinks (at least in New York). But in New York we also have the Upright Citizens Brigade which offers most of it's shows for just $5 a ticket. Now that's cheap.

• I'm On a Boat - City boat tours can be expensive. kateamcconnell suggested the Staten Island Ferry in New York for a cheap date. Commuter ferries in your city can offer the same scenery as the expensive tourist ferries.
  

Ships Passing in the Night

My boyfriend and I fight about two things: how messy I think he his and his work hours.

I work your typical 9am to 6pm schedule. He is a sports writer/editor for a newspaper and works from 2pm to 2am five days a week, days that change every week and include weekends. As someone with a conventional work schedule that doesn't change, his schedule frustrates me a great deal. He, however, accepts this as the nature of his industry.

I've mentioned his love for his job before and that he's wanted to be a sports journalist his whole life. He works, hard, long, odd-hours for unreasonable compensation and loves it.

He and I approach work in very different ways; I, while I love my job, work to live and he lives to work. Add that to his crazy, always changing schedule and you have one very frustrated girlfriend. I get annoyed when he isn't off on weekends and I want him to go to a party or I find myself alone with no one to hang out with. I get annoyed when he make plans with friends on a day he has off because that's time I'm losing with him (I know, I have to work on this one).

We also live in two different cities. He is only an hour and fifteen minutes outside of New York so it's not far enough to be considered long-distance but it's not close enough that I see him as often as I'd like. Again, frustrating. Eventually, likely later this year, we'll move in together. Here in the city (a huge give on his part). So we'll at least be sleeping in the same bed at night but could still go days without being awake together at the same time.

In my perfect world, we'd have similar work schedules. Schedules that didn't include nights or weekends. I could make plans with my friends without checking if it's his night off or we could take a weekend trip without using his vacation days. As much as I hope that will happen and happen soon, it doesn't look like it's in the cards.

My M.O. with this situation is to get upset, fight and then get over it only to get upset a few weeks or months later. A draining cycle for both him and I. So I'm wondering, how am I supposed to deal with this long-term? How do those of you who have significant others with opposing work schedules deal?