I've always been a pretty anxious person. Before interviews, I would turn into a ball of nerves. Before presentations at school, my stomach would become a butterfly exhibit. And before my first day at a new job, omigod it's like I can't breathe.
And then the day is over and I feel better and life goes on. Eventually I become accustomed to the people, my workspace, my environment, my job, my duties and I calm down.
Recently though I feel like it's been getting worse. Every Friday, I leave work relieved and happy with the work I've done for the week. I think I worked so hard, I deserve this weekend and these days off. And then all of a sudden it's Sunday and I become a pile of nerves.
I've only been at my new job now for 6 months...which in some ways seems impossible because I only feel like I've been here two months. But on the other hand, I feel like I've been here forever. Someone at work the other day asked me if it was my year anniversary yet. I replied with a snort. Very ladylike.
I know my nerves are just nerves. But after two people got let go last week, my nerves went into overdrive. Will they know I looked at Perez Hilton for an hour last week or that I procrastinated and didn't do a project assigned to me until the day before it was due?
Sometimes on Sundays, I have trouble sleeping. I constantly get that "you look tired" greeting from my co-workers on Mondays (thanks guys! what a compliment!). I know that my worries are just that - worries. I don't think my job is in jeopardy. I know I'm needed. And my boss is always quick to tell me what a great job I have done on projects.
Sometimes I attribute this worry and anxiousness to the fact that I still don't know the company that well. That even after six months, I'm still learning what our company does. And maybe it makes me anxious that my presentations aren't always perfect the first go around.
Whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon.