Monday, June 23, 2008

Reason #328 Why I Can't Stand My Job

The CEO, The Boss and The President of my company are the kings and queens of ridiculous e-mails. Emoticons, swearing, and requests that make you want to throw yourself out of the window - these are the kinds of things I look forward on a day-to-day basis when I open up my Outlook at work. 

Without further adieu I would love to provide a few examples of things that give me headaches and make me want to throw my computer out of our 20-story building. 

***
To: WG2
From: The President
Subject: The poster in the foyer...

Seems to be uneven....not sure if the tripod is set up correctly. If you have a chance to check and adjust that would be great. If it is going to be there until August, we may as well have it looking good :) 

***

To: The Entire Company
From: The CEO
Subject: MEN'S ROOM WINDOW

I love having to do these types of e-mails...such granular stuff...but here it is...the men's room window is a drama to make work right. Please leave it CLOSED and do not, repeat, do not make any adjustments to the window. It looks bad, is hard to get back into place and frankly does no good to open. So thems the rules. Anyone caught breaking the rules will have to pee in their pants from now on. 

***

To: WG2
From: The Boss
Subject: lunch

Could you please get me lunch from Cosi: a signature salad w/ extra pistachios and low-fat sherry vinagrette (on the side only) with whole wheat bread. Don't forget a fork from the kitchen and napkins. Thanks. 

***

To: The Boss
From: WG2
Subject: 2008 events calendar

To access Google calendar you need to log into your Gmail account and then in the upper left hand corner will be a link that says "calendar". Click on this and all the events that I have created will show up. 

To: WG2
From: The Boss
Subject: RE: 2008 events calendar

Mmmmm...this assumes I know how to log into my Gmail account WG2 :) 

***

Yes, The Boss does not know how to use e-mail. Or Power Point. Or Excel. Or how to get her own lunch. 

31 comments:

kylabea said...

LOL too funny.... my old boss used to send those out to, only to those privileged enough to be at his beck and call.

My favorite was that he only ate one thing for lunch but didn't know how to order it or what it was called and would end up having to call up from the resturaunt to ask what his order was.

Every single time he went.

Maxie said...

oh gosh. the one about peeing in your pants if you opened the window cracks me up.

If it makes you feel any better my boss doesn't know how use gmail either.

thegoodnamesaretaken said...

I don't understand how bosses these days are unable to use e-mail. I've run into that too and it's crazy!

Douchegirl said...

This makes me feel a little bit more grateful about my bosses. They're great e-mailers.

Alexandreena said...

That is absolutely horrible. Even I don't treat my minions like that. And I'm a great e-mailer and always tell the interns they rock after I e-mail them regarding the expected duration of a Starbucks run :)

Athena said...

ha, this is brilliant! I have a client who can't use email or text message, which makes life very difficult when he's in India and I'm here and we're trying to talk. Pointless emails are the best until they get old, and then every one of them ruins the rest of your day.

C said...

the head guy at the company i deal with daily has no idea how to use email or how to use the speaker phone. he will insist that i didn't send him emails when about 5 other people are copied on it and they all received it. we had a 45 minute conference call on how i should name PDF files before they are sent over.

Movie Maven said...

I hate a passive-aggressive smiley face. And the gmail thing is TOO MUCH. Great post.

Mike said...

Nowadays, thinks like excel, word, the INTERNET, etc. are skills akin to eating, breathing, pooping, etc.

That means that your boss should by all rights be dead.

Maybe they are, which is why they're so unreasonable.

Good luck with that.

thatShortChick said...

::cringing at the last email from your boss::

um, how did she get to be yours, or anyone else's, boss??

you obviously are able to exercise a greater deal of restraint than I could.

Rhoobs said...

my boss asked my why his calculator this morning wasn't working. too bad he was trying to complete math equations on his spanish language interpreter.

makes you wonder how they got to be the boss!?!

Bayjb said...

That's hilarious stuff. I can imagine getting those and being like WTF do you want me to do? Save them, that's solid entertainment later.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

YOUR BOSS BLOWS.

JK said...

This makes me happy I don't work in an office.

Kim said...

I would have hurt someone. Seriously.

ashley said...

Holy shit. Who are you working for?? I think they need a lesson in technology.

kimberly said...

Haha that is pretty hilarious. Reminds me of the day my boss got testy with me when her printer wasn't working....turns out there was no paper....

phoebe said...

sad to say... i get emails like that quite often...

Ashley said...

HAHA! From one former Executive Assistant to another all I have to say is, I FEEL YA GIRL! I once had a boss (several years back) who insisted that I "fix" her markup feature on her Word document... from my computer to her home office. Uh huh. Took three hours of convincing her she had to do it herself, and she quite pissed off about it.

Cupcakes and Cashmere said...

ok, so these are truly annoying, but at least she says 'please' and 'thank you,' two words my boss still does not know. my biggest pet peeve is when people from work email me with incorrect grammar. like 'your a rockstar!' it takes away from the compliment if they can't use the correct form of 'you're.' sheesh.

Fifi Flowers said...

YOU are the girl from the devil wears Prada... LOL... very funny!

Pink Sox said...

Friggin' hilarious!!! Laughed out loud several times while reading your post and almost choked on my coffee while reading the men's bathroom bit. BRILLIANT post :)

Meeks said...

I'm new but had to comment on this. F'ing hilarious because after two and a half years as an exec assistant - I had to get up and out once my boss asked me what ten percent of 400 was. Yes, you read that right.

The Sweet Life said...

When I first started at my job (marketing/pr agency) I noticed that all emails from my boss ended in emoticons...it was usually something snarky that she tried to make right with a :)

While my boss can use her email and Excel, it seems that many other things in our industry she has no clue about...how do these people make it to the top??

Stace said...

Yeah, I used to sit literally five metres away from my boss who would rather send an email than walk over and tell me something basic. Maybe it's better if the boss doesn't know how to use email eh!!

Cosmo chick said...

I just don't get why you have to get your bosses lunch. In the UK, you do that if you are a PA. IF my job title doesnt have PA in it, you are going to get your lunch yourself mate!

A Seattleite in Paris said...

Please tell me you made those up... But then again, if I think of some of my previous bosses, I guess those emails aren't that surprising.

Sarah said...

I've had boss/managers who didn't know how to use keyboard, Word, e-mail, Outlook...you name it, I've had it! :) But the worst one was the one who didn't know how to use Outlook archive correctly and lied to the agency to end my contract by telling them that I didn't know how to use Outlook! Go figure.

Lots of other interesting personalities on my blog...please comment and share your stories.

Mattressman said...

What a jerk. You definitely don't need to work for a boss like that. Hey the next time he has a headache slip him some Advil PM and watch him go to sleep...lol

China tours said...

Congratulations for this wonderful reading article. I found it very informative and interesting too, I think you are a brilliant writer. I have bookmarked your blog and will return in the future. I want to encourage you to continue that marvelous work, have a great daytime!I am a china tour lover,You can learn more: Beijing tours | Guilin travel guide | Lhasa sightseeing

Learn Chinese online said...

Since our founding in 2002, Hanbridge Mandarin has provided thousands of learners with high-quality campus-based courses, online classes, and intensive cultural immersion programs. Utilizing easy, fun and rewarding methods, we work hard to ensure our students can understand, use and ultimately master Mandarin communication skills.


More Chinese learning tags : learning Chinese online | Mandarin Online Course | how to learn Chinese