Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Working Girl One Talks About Two. Number Two.

The workplace can be a very awkward. Weird co-workers and uncomfortable situations present themselves almost everyday. For example, today my male boss said, out of nowhere, "I have a lot of gas." Uh, thanks for sharing. He was kidding and while my co-workers and I were aware of this, one of our poor little interns is now completely creeped out by him. I'm only slightly creeped out by him. 

That brings me to the topic of today's post: the bathroom. Also known as the the most awkward part of the workplace. It starts with the door. I always seems to walk in at the same time someone is walking out or vice versa. I open then door and do that awkward dance "go right, go left, stop, go right again" until I make my way in or out of the bathroom and awkwardly say "sorry" or "excuse me" under my breath. Does this only happen to me? 

Then getting to the stall. First you might run into a coworker. This usually plays out one of two ways. Scenario one: you walk in while your coworker is washing her hands or fixing her hair and she is out of the bathroom before you even lock the stall door. Not awkward. Scenario two: she just walked into the bathroom  and now you are going to use the bathroom at the same time. Awkward. Especially if you have stage fright. 

When picking a stall you may discover that a coworker already in a stall. They might be in your favorite stall and you're stuck with an unfamiliar stall. Or they are next to your favorite stall and the rest of the stalls are vacant. Do you still go to your favorite stall? Is that too close to said coworker. Awkward. 

You're in the stall. Okay, this is where we get intimate Working Girls. I'm just going to get right into because we've all had to deal with it. Number two at work. Don't tell me this hasn't cause you drama at some point. A friend of mine once confessed that for the first few weeks of her job she had some "issues" going. And let's just say taqueria week in the cafeteria wasn't very good to me. I've even overheard it in my office bathroom. I don't know what is more awkward, going number two at work or hearing someone else go. Thoughts? 

When you're done with your business and move to the sink to wash your hands. But how long do you wash for? Is anyone else in the bathroom paying attention to how long you're washing your hands for? One thing is for sure, they'll noticed if you don't wash your hands.

And you're out. Until next time. Which, for me, is usually twenty minutes later. I'm convinced I have an overactive bladder and that the entire office is aware of it. Awkward. 

21 comments:

Bayjb said...

I get very nervous when I go into the restroom and run into my boss. I always have this horrible feeling when I hear odd noises from other stalls. Ick.

Barb @ getupandplay said...

I have had such bad stage fright with #2 that I will just go #1 if there's someone else in the bathroom, then hold it until they leave to finish going. I had a coworker who would scout out every bathroom on every floor until she found an empty one to #2 in!

Debbie said...

What I hate about our office bathroom, is that it is just one room, right in between the male restroom and the sales office.

If I happen to be walking by, I can hear when people spray Lysol or pull toilet paper from the roll.

Imagine how embarrasing it is to be on your monthly. Yup, opening up a very noisy crinkly tampon wrapper. I just know they can hear from the other side. And then the paranoia I get every time I get back to my desk. "Did I flush it all the way?", "is there any evidence that I'm on my monthly on the toilet seat?"... oh the drama of being in an office with only two ladies, and about 10 men. (the men actually go in there to wash their hands because they like our soap better) It would serve them right if we left our tampons and pads in plain site on the counter, unused of course. lol

Clarity Sage said...

I had issues with #2 in any public place, until I went to college and lived in a dorm.

One of my jobs I feel awkward at because the office is part of my boss's house, and the bathroom is right next to my other boss's office.

At my other job, it's fine because the bathroom is a single, and no one can hear anything but the toilet flush.

Oh, and people who don't wash their hands are gross...and it's usually the "cleaner" looking ones, so it's like even grosser because no one will suspect.

Yvonne said...

What if the person who doesn't wash their hands is a higher up? Just knowing that knowledge is awkward. It's like a deep dark secret ("I know about you!") and you have to be professional about it.

Rose said...

I also go to the bathroom a lot during the day. I drink an obnoxious amount of water which results in my having to use the bathroom at least once an hour. I feel that everyone else is aware of this so I've taking to doing other things to try to through them off. For example I will go to the bathroom and then check my mail so they hopefully just think I went to check my mail. It's kinda sad that I do this actually. As for going number 2, we have 2 bathrooms on my floor. One has a bunch of stalls, the other just one. So everytime I do number 2 I go to the one and I don't have to worry about anyone else being there!

Kim said...

OMG I was nearly crying I was laughing so hard at this post. It's so true!!!
You forgot to mention the ones who begin conversations with you while you're trying to go!!

Steph Corwin said...

Thank god I'm not alone! I HATE the bathroom at our work because there are so many people so you always run into someone. I think the worst is when you hear someone else let out a little toot beforehand.

And ew to the no washing of hands. I judge people forever after that.

Anonymous said...

Ohhhhh my gosh, I hate going to the bathroom at work. I drink a lot of water, too and I can't ever go (even #1) if anyone else is in the bathroom. I have the worst case of stage fright.

Often times, I take a loop around the office to see if anyone is "missing" (aka possibly in the bathroom) before I commit to walking going. If someone is in there, I just wash my hands and try again later. It causes me to dance around the office quite frequently. Yikes.

One time the head of the company caught me in there "washing my hands" (two people were already in there) and I pretended to have something in my eye. She acted very concerned and kept checking in with me to make sure I was okay the rest of the day. How embarassing.

Douchegirl said...

It's TMI time.
I go #2 at work EVERY day. I also drink copious amounts of water so I have to pee about 16 times in 8 hours. Everyone knows I spend about 2 hours in the bathroom a day (cummulative)and I don't think I have any shame left.

Jenn said...

I don't like using any other bathroom but my own for #2. We even have two bathrooms at home and I still only use mine.

At work, oh man, I hold it as long as I can.

Katelin said...

luckily there is just one stall per bathroom at my job, i hate using the bathroom with other people in the room.

Kenyata said...

I'm new to this blog, but I know exactly what you are talking about lol. I always wonder if anyone else is listening to me pee. There have been a few times where I have heard someone, i was not listening on purpose, and I thought gee why are they going so long, or why does it sound like that? It's weird.

Cupcakes and Cashmere said...

this post made me laugh and reminded me of one of my all-time favorite articles: how to take a dump at the office (link below)...you MUST read it!

http://www.angelfire.com/mt/nothingstuff/officedump.htm

Anonymous said...

At all my past jobs, I've successfully scoped out secret bathrooms and claimed stake as my own. Works like a charm to deal with #2 issues! Theres always a random bathroom that no one knows about, it's there...go out and find it.

jenniferalaine said...

I'm living in a house full of boys for the summer, so it's way less awkward for me to go at work than at home!

Toomerdog said...

This is why where I work, we have single bathrooms.....unisex. Only "issue" is running out of air freshener after a long visit....and then opening the door to see someone from the opposite waiting to use your recently vacated throne! OY!

Puddle Jumper said...

i work in a restaurant that has a single for women next to the single for men. now i have this boss that is always rush rush type of person. i went and the door was locked, but i decided to wait for whoever to come out, and its my male boss! and he mutters something about going in the womens restroom and leaves the restaurant. i go in to find the toliet not flushed and pee all over the seat!! i held it until i couldn't anymore. i had to go in there cleaning up after him. its still awkward.

Cosmo chick said...

Eww, I am not a PTSer. That is gross, its either coming out in the AM before I get in the shower or PM before I get in the shower. If not, you snooze you lose- you aint coming out.

Lady Kim said...

This is by far one of the funniest but TRUEST blog posts I've ever read. I've experienced every awkward situation you described.
p.s. great blog you have here

Tiger Lily said...

This is exactly why I am thrilled to be at a SMALL office. Yes, there are only 2 stalls, but there's hardly ever anyone in there, so I can do whatever I need to do, with only a very rare occurance of awkwardness. Hooray!