This past weekend, I dragged my dad to see Confessions of a Shopaholic with me. And just as the opening credits were rolling, he leaned over and asked, "Is this making you homesick?"
The film was shot in New York...my old home. And I think what I was so taken aback by in that question was that when he said 'home', I instantly thought of New York. I do think of myself as a New Yorker (or Jersey girl really, but for the purposes of this post let's just say New Yorker). New York is where I did my growing up and a lot of soul finding. It's where I left behind some of my closest friends and greatest memories. It's where I had my first job. So I think New York will always be home to me.
Which leads me to my answer, which was yes. Yes, I am homesick. I think it's hard not to miss the things that are the most familiar to you. I miss being able to go out to dinner with my NYC friends on a moment's notice. And I can't even tell you how jealous I was that everyone just drove to Mohegan Sun to celebrate our friend's 24th. I miss being comfortable with the subway system, and confident that I'm great at my job.
Moving to Chicago has not been easy. It's a daily struggle. And I know I've said over and over that I've made the right decision (to about anyone who will listen), and I know it's not just to convince myself. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and I'm proud of myself for coming to a city that I barely knew and reforming those friendships with my high school friends, and healing my relationships with my family and for getting a new job, and trying out new things (like Match.com yikes bikes).
At the bar this weekend, as I was sipping from my beer tower, I realized that I started over. And it was hard. And some of it was easy because I had my family and old friends. But a lot of it was hard, and it still is. But I started over...how cool is that?
Last night I baby-sat for my cousins (one of whom is my goddaughter) and it was so nice to just be there in that moment. To have them know my name, which wasn't always the case every time I came home for the holidays in the past, and for my goddaughter to fall asleep on my stomach as we watched Hannah Montana - the greatest show ever made. And then when I got back to the city, my dad drove me home and told me goodnight and that he loved me - in person. And I realized that yes, I did make the right decision. Because if I left them, if I left Chicago, I would be homesick. For the first time in a long time I would be homesick for Chicago and all that I had left behind here.
(I have to apologize for this post because I know it's not about work, and this blog is about...work. But I'm running on about five hours of sleep because this is my hell week at said job and I had a brain fart about what to write about. And then this popped into my head and I just went with it. So enjoy my sincerity and this picture below of New York and Chicago blended together like they love one another).