So color me surprised but I think I'm in that situation, but my particular sitch is minus the bar and tequila and set instead in the office. And I'm dumbfounded.
Ok, well we're probably going to have to start at the beginning for this one. I started almost two months ago at my new job. I've made a small amount of friends since I've been here. Two I met while at the conference, one I met at training, and the third I met while he was hooking up my computer. Apparently, I have a knack for being friends with IT guys. And I mean, who doesn't want the IT hook-up? Being friends with peeps in IT has its perks.
So one of the first people I met at my new job was Jay. He set up my computer and then helped me set up my new Yahoo messenger (something I'm still not used to - using IM at work is foreign to me). Since that first day, Jay has always come around my desk to check on me, but I had always just thought he was being friendly/nice to the new girl. Then he would just stop by to chat, which at the time was so nice. I didn't know anyone yet! He filled me in on gossip (which is my weakness) and we'd chat about frivolous things which helps during a hectic workday.
Then two weeks ago, I found out that Jay had given his two week's notice (except he really gave a month's notice). The whole thing had been kinda kept under wraps, which I had thought was weird. But Jay said he was just moving down to Miami, and since our company also has an office there he will still be with the company just in a different capacity. I was bummed, but definitely not so upset that it fazed me in any which way.
So yesterday, I stayed late at work to finish up tallying the evaluation forms from the conference in Atlanta. Jay had also stayed late to finish up some things and the following conversation occurred over IM (which still boggles my mind that corporations use as a form of communication).
Jay: U still here?
WG2: Yep, had to stay late tonight.
Jay: your Internet working?
WG2: Yea, I think so...why has it not been working today?
Jay: ...um...obviously it's working...you're on right now...
Jay: I just wanted to make sure it wasn't slow at all today so I can reboot the server
WG2: Right....wow...I obviously have had a long day haha
Jay: Haha, that's ok
Jay: that's why I like you
Jay: Do u drink?
WG2: yep
Jay: before I leave, we should go grab a drink sometime and talk
(Please note, I didn't know how to respond so I just didn't respond like any mature adult would do in this situation).
Jay: But only if you want to...no pressure :)
WG2: haha, no, yea, sure
Ok, so this convo I just sputtered out above is not verbatim. I know I missed some parts of our convo, but these were the points that stuck out to me.
Maybe I'm crazy, but last night I was pretty sure that Jay was hitting on me. I know I could just be imagining things, reading into stuff that isn't significant. But I'm pretty sure I'm stepping into unknown territory with this.
I am in no way attracted to Jay at all. He is a nice, solid guy. Someone that would have been great to have as an office buddy and I'm totally sad that he's leaving. But would I want to grab a drink with him before he leaves for Miami? No, probably not. You're moving to a different state...that requires a plane ride to visit on a moment's notice. Odds are that we're not gonna start dating. I guess I don't understand why he'd even bother asking me out, which is why I'm questioning the fact of did he/didn't he just ask me out. So am I exaggerating this situation here? Am I making this up out of thin air?
And please, please readers tell me what to do. Because I'm at a loss for words.
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33 comments:
Hmmm, free drink? I'm thinking yes.
Wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I don't. I have no idea if this "Date" means he is into you, or if he just thinks you are a cool girl.
If I HAD to pick one, I'll go with ... It's a date. Do guys just ASK girls out for drinks because they are cool to talk to? In most cases I would say no. But there is an exception to every rule.
Good luck WG2.
alright- he's asking you out for sure and he finally feels brave enough to do it cause he's leaving! If you get stuck going, no big deal. He'll be gone soon anyways.
I say just kinda blow him off/avoid him until right before he leaves. Then when he asks you out again, just be SUPER busy... "oh darn! I'm busy tonight/that night"
Otherwise, you may have to suck it up and go. Invite other people from the office (without asking him) and when he asks again, just say, "Yeah, great! I told Mary and Joe we were all going out for your going away party... everyone's excited!"
He'll get the hint.
The thing is, the open ended invite "go for a drink *sometime*" ... yup; that's definitely a date. But since he's leaving soon, I don't think he's looking for a relationship. And he's specifically asking you about drinking alcohol. So I think it's pretty clear what he's looking for here. I don't think I'd go; to me, this smacks of a "booty call" situation!
I agree with the Passionate Bookworm. He totally got up the nerve to ask you act knowing that if you turned him down he would be leaving soon anyways. Guys are such wimps!
I would say he is definitely asking you out. He's most likely worked up the courage because he is leaving and there is no real pressure. If I were you, I would go! Its a free drink and you seem to like him as a friend so you'll probably have fun!
I say go, just dont put as much effort in yourself as you would for a date date.
Maybe you´ll just get along great and have some fun.
Anyway he´s leaving soon, so things cant be to bad. And think maybe you´ll run into some cute friends of his and he can introduce you...
he IS asking you out. But you are over thinking it. He doesn't want to marry you, just get you drunk, make you laugh and maybe get a peck on the cheek at the end of it all.
I would say have a drink with him. If you enjoy his company and think it would be fun. Go.
If you are a little bit worried tell him beforehand "just friends, nothing else... no naughty business". Which I have done beforefore. (Plus share the drink rounds).
Enjoy, he may introduce you to his friends which maybe a fantastic crowd :)
I would go and have a good time. Free drinks, good company and he is leaving for Miami soon so no pressure of having to maintain a dating relationship. I say go for it!
If you're not interested, don't lead him on by having a drink with him - even if you tell him outright that you "just want to be friends." If a guy likes you in that way, he can't just be your friend ;)
No, its not a date. It sounded like he just wanted to be able to speak with you, or get to know you, outside of the office. He knows he's moving, he knows you just moved there. Clearly he's prepping himself for that awkward facebook/myspace relationship you have with coworkers from jobs past. Or he wanted a no strings attached last escapade.
I'm with Passionate Book worm on this one. He's leaving. I think it would be a lot more awkward if he were staying but since he's on his way out of town I say go and get the free drink.
I would totally go. Listen he knows that he is leaving and he knows that there wouldn't be any strings. Everyone likes to go out even just as friends. What would be nice is if you went out for drinks maybe you would run into some other friends of his from IT then you would have another hook up. Just think of it as networking. I think you might be reading into the IM
From my experience.. guys typically don't ask girls out for friendship purposes..
we use Yahoo IM at work too, and it always has seemed weirdly informal to me, too. As for they guy thing, I don't know. General rule of thumb, I feel like if they want to see you outside of work, especially one on one and at night, it's a date.
I agree with echoeve. It's not a date, he knows the sitch. He obvioulsy feels a connection to you (no matter what it is) and wants to end it all on a good note. Remember, you just moved to a new city, how did you feel before you left? You probably wanted to make the best out of the last few days you had as he does.
Being that I am a girl that "goes out with the guys" (yes guys just ask you out for friendship purposes); whether he likes you or not WHO CARES, it's a new friend take it as that and treat the situation as that: a hang out with a new person! Maybe you'll meet new people or go to a new fave place... have fun, you only have 1 life, live it to it's fullest!!!
I'd prolly go for the free alcohol and conversation. He's moving soon, so you don't have to put too much effort into it. He might be looking for some affection before leaves.
This is a tricky one - I'm definitely more like WG1 in the whole "don't say no because I don't want to be mean" thing, but I don't think that's the kind of situation you have here. I mean, if he's leaving, he's leaving and that's the long and the short of it. Why not go? It might be fun, and you'll get the chance to say goodbye. If it turns out to be something date-like, you can always whip the old "I don't do long distance card".
I get this a lot from guys. Nobody seems to actually say "Let's go on a date." It's so cliche and puts people out there in a vulnerable way. I would GO! He's leaving, why not? You could learn a lot more about a person you've been working w/ for months! It's always interesting having good conversation w/ new people. Don't over think it, it's not that deep. Just go w/ the WIND, however you feel that day! :-)
I think I disagree with most of the comments... at least in part. It's possible that he's asking you out on a date, yes. It's also possible that since he knows he's leaving, he wants to impart some sort of wisdom or office gossip to you before he leaves... thinking that it's only appropriate because he's on his way out the door. Since even you acknowledge that it's clearly going to go nowhere, I think it'd be interesting to go and have the drink just to see what it's all about. There's no pressure to be too nice and no reason to feel badly about shutting him down if he is interested in you romantically -- he'll be in Miami before you can snap your fingers or click your heels, right?
Yup, asking you out. I say go with KT's advice and make it a party. Ignorant/oblivious is like an ace up the sleeve.
I wouldn't go. I had this exact situation with someone at work however the guy was twice my age!! CREEPY!! When I realized that he had a thing for me I stopped all communication and only mutter a few words when I see him now. At least your "guy" is moving. Mine is still here in the state however not where I work anymore.
If he really is your friend you should go with a group of people and hang out but not go by yourself. It's better to have more people there. If you think you are going to forgot about him when he moves then don't go. It isn't worth your time.
Good Luck. Let us know how it goes.
I don't think it's a date date. I really think it's just a hang out before I leave thing. I feel like most guys don't even want to start up a relationship when they are in town, let along after.
He probably does dig you, but I don't think he's looking for anything more then friendship.
Is what you should do is try to turn it into a group thing. Say you'll bring some friends and hopefully he will too. That way it won't be awkward and you can meet some new people. Win win.
I'm totally confused and can be of no assistance (so there was really no point in me commenting, except to let you know you're not the only one who would be floundering in that situation.)
Like some other people said...free drinks? Why not? Doesn't mean you have to act like more than friends towards him, he IS moving of course!
Sounds like a date to me.
I say, if you're not into him, don't go. Unless it's too hard to turn him down. In that case, enjoy your free drink, and tell him all about the awesome girls he's going to meet in Miami.
is he cool? go have the drink. I have a couple of guy friends like that...just friends. Nothing besides a drink has to happen.
yes, its a date.
but you've got a total a win-win...you get free drinks and if the date is a bust, you don't have to deal with the awkward run-in at work...if the date is great, well you can cross that bridge when you come to it.
good luck!
Ok I personally am like WG1 in that I am nice (sometimes to nice) to everybody!! Maybe because he considers you a friend now he'd like to grab a drink with you before he goes. Meet him there pay for your own drinks and make it clear its not a date! He's moving so you know it won't turn into anything. Unless you don't consider him friend worthy at all I'd go. If he gives you the creeps and you hope to never speak to him again.... well then your busy, always busy! lol
Well, now you have to go just because all of us blog readers are dying to hear what happens...but take some pepper spray just in case.
I think Jay is lonely - and he wants to celebrate his leaving with SOMEONE. You're a good choice - you've always been nice to him, and he feels comfortable around you.
Can you imagine leaving a job, leaving a STATE, and nobody around you cares?
Ouch!
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